Rating: 0/10

I thought the worst country song I had ever heard was Luke Bryan’s “Kick the Dust Up.” Florida Georgia Line has produced some candidates for worst country song as well, including “Sun Daze,” “Anything Goes,” and “This is How We Roll.” Sam Hunt’s latest effort, “House Party” is an attrocity. But today, I have heard a song that is worse than these by far. It is the worst “country” song I have ever heard, and in fact it is the worst song I have ever heard from any genre. In fact, this song sucks so much that Florida Georgia Line passed up the opportunity to record it…apparently even they have standards. If FGL passes on a song, you should know you have hit rock bottom.

Country music has experienced an alarming wave of rockers flooding the genre in recent years. Sometimes this is a smooth transition and produces good music, (Sheryl Crow), while other times we get train wrecks (Darius Rucker.) Regardless, bandwagon jumping has been increasingly popular–even Steven Tyler “went country” earlier this year. Usually, though, the bandwagon jumpers were somewhat big names. Not this time–the newest band to infect “country” is Uncle Ezra Ray, a washed-up “super group” made up of Uncle Cracker, Mark McGrath from 90’s band Sugar Ray, and Kevin Griffin, from 90’s band Better Than Ezra. Their debut single, “B.Y.H.B” (bring your hot body( is an embarrassment to country and music in general. And now, without further ado, I will rip apart the song that Florida Georgia Line actually had a chance to record and passed on.

There is nothing in this song to compliment. It is full of bad rapping and terrible instrumentation. The repeated lyric of “we gots to party” is sprinkled throughout the song (you’re all in your forties, you don’t “gots” to do anything.) Kevin Griffin is the main voice, and he sounds obnoxious and whiny. I can’t believe they are all established singers because they sound talentless. The lyrics are pathetic, from “yesterday we sent a tweet out, everybody come out” (just wow) to “home girls jumping out of a Cadillac drinkin’ ice cold 40 from a brown sack” (home girls should not be in country, and do you even know what a “home girl” is? You’re in your forties.) Also, a brown sack? Really? Have you ever been to a party like that. Also, they mention drinking beer, rum, a Mai Tai, and wine–so they gots to go throw up or pass out in about 2.6 seconds. They gots to go get some pills for tomorrow’s hangover. And don’t even get me started on the chorus, where we get this pathetic excuse for songwriting

Can I get a hey hey, can I get a what what
Can I get a hell yeah, raisin’ up a cup-cup?
Said, hotty-totty, good God Almighty
We gots, we gots, yeah we gots to party
Beep beep, nah that ain’t a truck truck
It’s me thinkin’ uh huh when she backin’ up up

and then something unintelligible (oh, did I mention you can’t hear their terrible vocals because the equally terrible production drowns it out?) about a splash of Bacardi, followed by “B.Y.H.b, bring your hot body.” Firstly, who the hell thinks this is country, and secondly who the hell thinks this is a good song? Somewhere, Hank Williams and Waylon Jennings are rolling over in their graves.

P.S. The lyrics I quoted are all in the first verse. That should tell you how attrocious the rest of the song is, if you don’t want to listen–and I wouldn’t blame you.

P.P.S. What does this say about the state of country music–three washed-up has-beens with no talent can genre-hop to country and have a chance at a hit while others are not played because they are too “country?” Not to mention there are thousands of talented people playing in bars and clubs for tips and standing in line at reality show auditions who can’t get a record deal because they won’t sing shit like this. Please, please avoid this song. Do not let radio make money off it. Do not allow it to be called country, lest other psongs follow in its footsteps and country music see the end of its days.